Okay, I’ll admit it, when I hear “bifidus regularis,” I think to myself, “That can’t be a real scientific name.” Some online snooping has led me to believe that… it’s not a real scientific name. It sounded like the bifidus maybe was real, but regularis was just made to sound scientific for people who suffered with digestive woes. It turns out I was right.

Now, the issue isn’t, of course, that they make up and promote a fake scientific name for some product that apparently helps some people have more regular waste disposal. Sure, there are ways to take little things such as fiber into the body, natural ways, maybe by eating fruit and vegetables, in as close to natural raw forms as possible. Maybe tossing some wheat germ in the breading for your chicken, or eating whole grain bread instead of whatever that Wonder stuff is (I’m not convinced it’s bread). But they want us working on the bacteria.

My real issue is with the assumption that irregularity is so regular that to not be irregular is abnormal. If my digestive system actually functions normally, is there something wrong with me? After seeing ads for yogurt products that insist the problem is with the bacteria in our bellies (unrelated to all the overprocessed foods people are eating), what are we to think when everything in the tummy is hunky-dory?

I have never tried any of the enhanced yogurts. Yes, I’ve eaten yogurt. No, it’s not a staple of my diet. The more stuff they add to it, the less I want to eat it. And where do they grow digestive enzymes? I’m thinking they don’t harvest it from people (no soylent green). Which means… animals? Intestinal juices of random animals in my yogurt? Mmm. Tasty!

I don’t have a lot of problems with my digestive system. It works pretty well, even. Does that mean I should check with my doctor and tell her that I’m concerned because everything’s as it should be? What a waste that would be.

My advice? Eat some natural foods. Pick up an orange or a pear or a package of carrots, maybe some celery or grapes or broccoli. Whatever it is, chomp away on that. Drink some nice water (no sweeteners, no carbonation, no caffeine). Use more seasoning in your food than salt (and cut way down on the salt). Maybe, just maybe, your digestive quirks will find themselves disappearing as the body’s needs are met.

What a concept!

Peace.